She was never mine to keep

Twenty years ago, a little baby girl joined our family.  We had hoped for a girl to join our family.  We had prayed, gone to doctors, and we had waited.  My childbearing years were almost over, and I didn't know if I would win the race of getting pregnant before my time was up.  But wonder of wonder, miracles of miracles, I learned I was pregnant and this little baby joined two older brothers to complete our family.

She was  a delightful girl who won the hearts of her family with her cute smile and beautiful eyes.  We played together everyday.  We drew pictures and read stories, and then she grew older and started school.  Her world enlarged as she added friends to her circle.  She learned to read and write and roller blade.

She learned times tables, how to write a story.  She even learned to play the piano.  I was her teacher for a few years, then she enlarged her world and learned from other talented women.

Eventually her world enlarged even more as she attended junior high and high school.  She learned more about herself.  She learned she was smart and talented.  She continued to improve her musical talents as she played the piano and viola.  Each week we drove to piano lessons and talked and talked.  We became walking partners and talked and talked.  She read all kinds of books, and we discussed each one.

The time came to leave home.  She went away to college, changed her major at least once a month, learned how to live with roommates, and joined the workforce.  She became an adult.  She met a boy while working last summer, and they fell head over heels in love.  Last weekend my practical, mostly serious, daughter called, sounding giddy.  She announced she was engaged and planned to be married in June.  She could not keep her voice steady, it was so full of excitement.  She's ready to move on.  She is ready for the next step in her life, and she is moving there with excitement and determination.  

As for me, this is a bittersweet time.  All my life I have raised this "little girl" to become independent and to become successful as she moved out into the world, but this is my only daughter.  This is my youngest child.  This is my baby.  This is my friend.  This time makes me wonder how my mother felt as I walked away from her and into my new life with my husband.  I hardly had a thought for what I was leaving behind.  I was looking into the glorious future.  Did my mother mourn for the daughter that was moving away from her?  


Last Sunday we watched the 25th Anniversary of Les Miserable and my eyes flowed over with tears as Jean Val Jean sang, "She was never mine to keep."  So Alicia, move forward with happiness.  You were never mine to keep.  You are finding your destiny.  You have found love--a most precious treasure.  But remember, you and I will always be mother and daughter--eternal friends.